Why sweep when you can VACUUM?

Once vacuumed with a wet/dry vac, the mess is quickly dispatched into an "outta sight, outta mind" location. It's like magic, the mess is gone, the contents not to be dealt with until the vacuum cleaner stops funtioning properly (or starts smelling bad, whichever comes first). Forget robots, this is some amazing technology.

Cabinent Loading

Today's Kitchen Patrol Tip of the Day (KPTOD):

DO NOT OVERLOAD YOUR CABINENTS:

or you will invite sheer disaster as shown in this actual (not simulated) picture.

LOL dogs?!?!

Kinda funny, but LOLdogs seem to lack that "they're so cute I want to strangle them" aspect of LOLcats.

REMINDER: March is National Stove Cleaning Month

Don't forget! March is National STOVE CLEANING MONTH!

Hurry Up, you are almost out of time! Don't let it slide until next March!

Save Me

As loving as your little kitty may seem, she/he may not be as interested in your body Thetan problem as you might think.

She Blinded Me with Science

Finally, scientific evidence that proves...


...your sink brush is clean enough to use as an eating utensil!

I've been saying this for YEARS and, to the dismay of others, following my own advice AS WELL.

Take that, all you naysayers!

LOLcat ban vote results are in!

Polls are now closed on the LOLcat ban vote. Results are being tallied.

......

The hanging chad issue has been rectified and the full results are in! It turns out that superdelegates were not required as expected. The referendum to ban LOLcats from Kitchen Patrol has failed!

So here you go, go ahead and bask in your sweet victory:

Please note: the current Administration will not search for these LOLcat things. If you want them to appear, please send your kitchen-oriented LOLcat images to femaletrouble3 @ yahoo.com Thanks to Private Sean for today's special Parkour image!

Also please note the change in the Kitchen Patrol header graphics at the top of the page!

Is your kitchen floor clean enough to do this?

Kitchen Cleaning Nirvana! This is the plateau you are going for, people!


How many of you can comfortably say that you have achieved this level of Kitchen Zen-li-ness?

Color me IMPRESSED. I believe this reader should be awarded a Kitchen Patrol Medal! (if nothing else but for sheer bravery?!)

p.s. I hope the medal won't have to be a Purple Heart. We'll know in a day or so for sure.

Kitchen Perimeter Defense System

Having difficulties keeping the infidels off of your freshly cleaned kitchen floor before your mopping effort completely dries? You might just be in the market for a Ronco Kitchen Perimeter Defense System:


This diagram is for illustrative purposes only--the blue lines actually represent an invisible LASER (Light Amplification by Stimulated Emmission of Radiation) detection sensor field.

Once activated (tip: if you plug your into a Clapper, you can easily activate/de-activate before entering the sensor field and inadvertently activating and triggering the "device") the area will be protected against incursion.

This Ronco Kitchen Perimeter Defense System makes it a snap to identify your perp. Unauthorized motion triggers the primary device which "explodes" (via replaceable CO2 cartridge, available wherever pellet guns are sold) a canister of indelible black ink. The entire protected perimeter area will be evenly coated with permanent ink, including your perp! All surfaces of the perp facing the device at activation time will be covered in ink. After the "event" just line your family/roomates up and it will be obvious who is guilty (you may even catch them in the act of trying to clean themselves up!) You DO have to clean up the mess in your kitchen afterwards, but that's a small price to pay for capturing the incursor!

Ronco Kitchen Perimeter Defense System: "Set it and forget it!" Thanks to Private First Class Lee for pointing KP at this new offering from Ronco!

KP Tip of the Day (KPTOTD): The Ronco Kitchen Perimeter Defense warning stickers ("Warning! This area is protected by Ronco Kitchen Perimeter Defense System.") are available for sale separately. If you buy just the stickers and put them up, you can gain some of the benefits of a Ronco Kitchen Perimeter Defense System without actually having to purchase the full system!

LOLcat poll resolution

Kitchen Patrol is an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major...

What I am really trying to say is that supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

The Vote is Currently Tied! Vote Now if You Care! (over to your right and down a bit).

Let's get this settled once and for all! Time is running out!
Don't let KP devolve into a Self-Perpetuating Autocracy!

Tip for cleaning behind appliances!

Specialist Philip has devised an ingenious way of streamlining the task of cleaning behind your kitchen appliances: NEVER FULLY INSTALL THEM:

"It cooks great right where it is and also serves as a handy seat. Oh, and I've noticed that it lowers my home heating costs, especially when the door is open," reports Specialist Philip.

Thrifty, convenient and GREEN! Consider yourself promoted!

LOLcats, who would have thought?

Ok, ok, ok, color me wrong! I didn't realize that the KP community would be THAT into LOLcats! Here is one more, just the for the LOLcat Corp of Kitchen Patrol:


Remember, if you don't like LOLcats, it's not too late to have these things banned from KP. If you feel strongly about it, or feel at all, please vote (look over to your right and down...)

LOLcats

KP needs to jump on the LOLcat bandwagon and ride the wave of popularity and social pressure associated with LOLcats!



[ed: I had to remove a sentence here due to the overwhelming responses against it] Just don't forget what it is and drink it urself LOL

Oh come on, don't get all PETA on me, you know I was just kidding. Or do you just feel bad because you thought the same thing?


Please take a minute and vote in the KP poll regarding LOLcats--- over to your right and down a bit. Also, please feel free to leave a comment or two making your opinion on LOLcats known to the entire KP community.

Open source kitchen cleaning robots

In the media:

Open source robot: Your next personal assistant

Imagine a robot that hands you a beer and then cleans your kitchen and living room. That's what a start-up called Willow Garage in Menlo Park, Calif., is busy developing. But the company isn't going it alone: Willow Garage is an open source project that wants as much outside participation as possible. link[thanks to Private Lee for the submission!]

I, for one, would like to be the first to welcome our new kitchen cleaning overlords:



Imagine this though: when SKYNET takes over, the very first thing you will have to fight is the Robot in Your Own Kitchen!

Sexist cleaning article in the media

In the media:

Men who do housework may get more sex

By DAVID CRARY, AP National Writer Thu Mar 6, 1:51 PM ET

NEW YORK - American men still don't pull their weight when it comes to housework and child care, but collectively they're not the slackers they used to be. The average dad has gradually been getting better about picking himself up off the sofa and pitching in, according to a new report in which a psychologist suggests the payoff for doing more chores could be more sex.

...

"If a guy does housework, it looks to the woman like he really cares about her — he's not treating her like a servant," said Coleman, who is affiliated with the Council on Contemporary Families. "And if a woman feels stressed out because the house is a mess and the guy's sitting on the couch while she's vacuuming, that's not going to put her in the mood." link

Jeez, what a sexist article!

Let's be fair here. The men of KP work very hard at their cleaning and we take their Duty To Kitchen very seriously! In the interest of fairness and balance (we are always fair and balanced here at KP), here's the Politically Correct Point/Counterpoint Version of this article:

Women who do housework may get more sex

By KP

NEW YORK - American women still don't pull their weight when it comes to housework and child care, but collectively they're not the slackers they used to be. The average mom has gradually been getting better about picking herself up off the sofa and pitching in, according to a new report in which a psychologist suggests the payoff for doing more chores could be more sex.

...

"If a woman does housework, it looks to the man like she really cares about him — she's not treating him like a servant. And if a man feels stressed out because the house is a mess and the woman's sitting on the couch while he's vacuuming, that's not going to put him in the mood."

IF you have an opinion on this topic, please make your thoughts on this subject known in the comment section.

Caution: Non-PC comments may be deleted without warning!

What's the best thing about cleaning your kitchen?

Satisfaction in a job well done! Kinda like mowing the grass--you can see your progress, and when it's done, it's done!

Then, as a reward for a job well done, you can Rock Out with a free conscience:


You gonna a try a pick slide on a dirty floor?!! I THINK NOT!

Go Ahead and Jam, you Deserve it!

You can't hide your messy kitchen under...

...empty 12-pack boxes of COORS:


So don't EVEN TRY!

Now drop and give me 30 on your dirty floor!

Fire Hazards

While cleaning (or, for that matter, in general) you need to be mindful of introducing or creating hazards. Sometimes hazards can be of the form of substances or bad combinations of substances. Sometimes hazards can be simply created by bad or dangerous placement of existing items.

Drill Time: How many fire hazards can spot in this kitchen?

Cleaning Frequency of your Stove

How often do you clean your stove?

Here at Kitchen Patrol, we recommend daily cleaning of your stove as these two gentlemen demonstrate:

Dishwasher Safe

Here at Kitchen Patrol, where our focus is service to Kitchen, we get lots of questions along the lines of "Is this such and such 'dishwasher safe'"?

Well, sometimes that is a hard question to answer. If an item is questionably dishwasher safe, it's best to go with using the top rack. Sometimes you just need to try the item in question and be prepared to have it ruined. If this is unacceptable to you, don't take the risk and simply hand wash it!

We here at KP can't anwer all your individual questions on whether a such and such is dishwasher safe. We are already flooded with emails as it is! We're afraid you are going to have resort to your best judgement in the the field.

As an excercise of today's lesson, which of the following does your gut tell you are not dishwasher safe?








[Hint: two of the three above aren't dishwasher safe!]